Feb 19, 2011

The oddities of eating out in America


Scene: A restaurant somewhere in the tiny village of Macomb in America
Characters:
Sewa: Perpetually lost in her world
Sabina: The decisive one
Shaili: The hyper one
Nitika: The sensible one
Sudheer: Detached observer, speaks in trademark flat voice
Waitress
Above mentioned motley crew minus the waitress enters the restaurant.

Sabina (reading aloud at podium): please wait to be seated.

Sewa waltzes towards a table.

Shaili: OH NO, THEY ARE GOING TO THROW SEWA OUT, SHE DIDN’T WAIT TO BE SEATED!

Nitika blinks, and hurries forward to grab Sewa and pull her back to the podium. Sewa vaguely follows her, assuming they don’t like the view from the table she chose. The waitress takes them to a table and seats them.

Waitress: Do you want anything to drink?

Nitika: Can I have a soda?

Sewa: Don’t have soda, its yucky and tasteless.

Waitress to Nitika: Ok, what do you want? Coke? Pepsi? Sprite?

Nitika: Pepsi, please.

Sewa: I thought you wanted a Soda.

Sabina: makes eye at Sewa.

Sewa: What? I was just trying to help ….

Sabina: (furiously hisses to Sewa): coke, pepsi, and the whole family of soft drinks, including dr. pepper, a brand of particularly nasty American soft drink, are called soda.

Shaili: AND WHAT IF WE EVER WANT REAL NEPALI SODA? NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND, AND THEY WILL GIVE US BOTTLES OF PEPSI INSTEAD…

Sudheer (trademark flat voice, to be called tfv hereafter): What’s all this hullaballoo? You can call all those soft drinks pop instead!

Sewa: Pop as in the POP sound? Or as in pop music? Or as in informal for papa?

Shaili: THAT STILL DOESN’T SOLVE THE PROBLEM, IF I ASKED FOR POP AND SODA, THEY WILL GIVE ME COKE AND PEPSI…

Sewa (morose): I would rather just have tea then, I am cold anyways…

The waitress places four huge glasses in front of the girls. Sewa wraps her hands around her huge glass of tea. Only then notices that it is full of ice.

Sewa: Oh hell, I wanted hot tea, what’s this?

Shaili: OH NO SHE GOT YOU A FANCY DRINK, MUST COST YOUR WEEK’S SALARY!

Nitika (whispers in Nepali, pretending to be talking about the weather): Cold is what you will get you here if you order regular tea.

Sudheer (tfv): Hey kid, you can have the kai tea if you want.

Sewa: What’s that?

Waitress: points at the menu which has chai tea written on it.

Sewa: So basically I will order the tea tea? Or the chai chiya?

Waitress: Huh?

Sewa: Never mind, I will make do with the regular tea today.

The waitress comes and fills in Nitika’s glass with more pepsi.

Sewa (staring daggers at the waitress): We didn’t ask for another glass of Pepsi.

Nitika: claps her hand over Sewa’s mouth before she can say anything else.

Shaili: OH NO, THEY ARE GOING TO CHARGE US EXTRA.

Sudheer (tfv): Refills are free here.

Sewa: (blink blink) huh?

Sabina: Yes, it says so right here in the menu, one bottomless glass of Pepsi for $2.79.

Sewa: I thought bottomless meant a glass without a bottom…

Nitika: Haha that would be just a pipe.

Sewa: Yea so I was wondering how you hold your drink in a pipe…

Sabina: Shut up, it just means they will keep refilling and you will never see the bottom!

Waitress: What do you want to eat?

Nitika: I will have a doughnut.

Shaili: Sandwich, please.

Sabina: Pasta…

Sudheer(tfv): No such dangerous American food for me.

Sewa to Sabina (light bulb goes on in mind): Let’s share the pasta.

Waitress: Extra cost for splitting pasta!

Sewa: huh? (light bulb goes off, is morose).

Sabina(to waitress): Nothing for Sewa. (To Sewa in aside whisper): We can share later anyways.

Shaili: NO YOU CANT; THEY WILL CHARGE US EXTRA IF THEY SEE US SPLIT!

After getting the order:

Sewa to Nitika: Damn, I thought you asked for a doughnut, and this is rectangular and 
doesn’t have a hole in it.
Nitika: Relax, the rectangular things without holes are also called doughnuts!

Shaili: I ORDERED A SANDWICH AND WHY DID THEY GIVE ME A HOT DOG?

Nitika: Relax, they usually serve such huge breads for sandwiches…

Sabina: Why is my pasta cold?

Nitika: Re…

Shaili: AND WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY SANDWICH RAW?

Nitika: Phew!

Later, Waitress: Do you want a box?

Sewa: No thanks, we have enough boxes at home….

Nitika stamps over Sewa’s toe, while Sabina says “yes please…”

Sewa: Ouch! What? We don’t need a box… I just got a package of books and they came in a big box. You can have it if you want….

Sabina: Shut up, the box is for taking the leftovers home…

Shaili: OHH ITS NOT A BOX THEN, IT’S A HINT, THEY JUST WANT US TO LEAVE!

Nitika: Relax, she is just being attentive.

Shaili: OH REALLY, THEN WHY DOES SHE WANT US TO PACK UP?

Waitress: So are you ready for the ticket?

Sewa (mumbling): What ticket, college buses are free, no ticket required, I wish you would get our bills though….

Sabina(to the waitress): Yes please.

Later, Waitress with bill: Here’s your check, guys!

Shaili: WOW, WE GOT FREE MONEY FOR EATING OUT!

Sudheer: Rolls his eyes.
Reactions:

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting and funnnyyyy

Anonymous said...

LOL funny felt like I was ordering the pop as in :)

Shaili: I like her and the way she is so funny and makes jokes of eveything she gets and "the gang" in total is really funny.

Sabian: Yeah truly said: the decisive :) guides the gang and I imagine what would happen when these people have to go somewhere without Sabian.


LOL funny rectangular doughnuts without holes, hot dogs, raw sandwiches, big breads and cold pasta, and

"Shaili: OHH ITS NOT A BOX THEN, IT’S A HINT, THEY JUST WANT US TO LEAVE!"

LOL

sewa said...

hehe, was fun to get ur comments :)

samirb said...

Very interesting conversation. I was the same way when I came to the US 6 years back. Only difference is I had all these conversations in my mind lol ... Thanks Sewa for sharing this with us. This particular one is pretty funny...

sewa said...

thanks samir, glad u liked it :)

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